Part 3
During this time in my mid 20s I was finally open to the idea of finding God and tried going to church for the first time as an adult. I had been introduced to a group of believers while on a film set, and their character and example stood out as markedly different from anyone I had ever encountered before. We took them up on their invitation to join them at church one weekend, and to my surprise, God was there all along! For the next several months it was like the pastor was crafting each sermon especially for me - it was mind blowing! Many times both me and my husband swore that the sermon spoke directly to us. Every week I felt lighter and filled with more hope than I had felt at any time before, no matter where I had tried to look for it: in other religions, in other practices, in other people, or in other substances. I couldn’t deny that hearing about God and learning about what He actually said about me in His word, rather than relying on second hand or third hand information, was changing me for the better. I began to read the Bible for myself and that’s when I became convinced of who God was, conscious of my sin, and convicted that only through Jesus could I find forgiveness and restoration. I was more than ready to give up the reins of my life to the Creator who loved me and died for me, and who promised to lead me with love and care. I was baptized a year later and I have never looked back!
As my relationship with God grew, He was busy at work freeing me from what chained me, restoring what was broken, and building me up afresh. I really felt like a new creation. I still do. I threw away all vestiges of the past and started running the race ahead of me. One of my fears early on about having given my life to Christ was that God might reveal to me that I actually wasn’t supposed to be an artist. Could it be possible that I had gotten that all wrong - as I had gotten so much wrong in the past - and that I was supposed to be something else? I never knew what exactly, but there was this fear that maybe I would have to give up art in order to follow Him where He was leading. I remember eventually just saying to myself, “If art has to go, then art has to go. I don’t care. I just want to be where God wants me to be, to be in His will for me, and I will be satisfied. I will be accomplishing my purpose for being here, the reason He created me, and that’s what matters.” So I stopped worrying about art, if I would ever be a real artist, and just continued to pursue God.